Day 5

Today we expected another embryo report. The news although expected and not horrible was not what we wanted to hear. Final confirmation will be made tomorrow and while things could change overnight, I'm doubtful that they will. It looks like we will have no embryo's to freeze. I have gone from sad, to angry, to sad, to numb, to sad, and then to my current state of just trying to get through until morning and we have confirmation. It was comforting to know that my husband was also angry about parts of this journey, I will not share the angry parts at this point. I'm sure some of you are thinking "You've waited two years for this opportunity, surely you can hold out hope for a few more hours." Honestly my hope is gone, in this regard. I have watched several friends in this position and should have expected it but I've always had the "It'll be different for us" attitude. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. No we aren't sure where we go from here. Yes life will go on and our hearts will heal. Yes things happen for a reason, adoption is always an option, it's not the end of the world....etc, if you feel the need to remind us of one of these please be silent and offer a prayer for us instead. :) NONE of those comments makes this any easier, I get that you may not know what to say and those seem comforting to you, but a prayer would be much more comforting to us. Tony is staying home with me in the morning until we get "the call". I really can't write any more tonight, putting all of these emotions into words is too difficult. Thanks for following along, sending good thoughts our way and for the prayers, all are appreciated.