Day 6 - Grieving what ISN'T, Adjusting to what IS...

Grieve what isn't, Adjust to what is. I can still hear Jill Savage speaking those words a few short months ago at the National Hearts@Home conference. I knew they were important words and I not only wrote them on paper but I put them in my phone notes as well. Grieve what isn't, Adjust to what is. Her journey is different than ours but I have repeated those words in my head over and over. I'm still repeating them. When a friend was going through a difficult time I shared those words with her. There is so much power in them. Grieve what isn't, Adjust to what is. I do pretty well at adjusting, but I stink at the grieving part. If you're still praying for us will you pray that I fully grieve this before adjusting? My heart NEEDS to fully go through the grief process. Tony did indeed stay home this morning until we got "the call". I intended for him to answer the phone but he insisted it was "my" phone. I put my big girl panties on and answered it, got the news and a bit of info, then promptly handed it over as I was crying to much to talk. He is great at not letting emotions get the best of him and could discuss our options for the future. I am glad it was our favorite IVF nurse giving us the news, I really don't think I could have answered the phone if I hadn't known it was her on the other end. I am beyond BLESSED that Tony was home and could have the conversation with her that needed to be had. They would like us to come in for a consult and discuss further options. At some point in the future I may see the value but for now I have no interest. I felt like this would be the end of this part of our family expansion journey but Tony has advised otherwise. He says whenever I am ready to go back to work we can put my salary in the bank to "try again"....funny isn't he?!?!?! Although he was serious he was trying to lighten the mood and I'm thankful for his ability to do so. Emotions have come in waves still today but more like the kiddie roller coaster than the Ninja (that is a coaster isn't it?) Life will go on, our hearts will heal. I don't know what our next step will be and although he was willing and ready to discuss it this morning, I just couldn't. In time I think it will be clearer. On a seperate note, I started this blog to share family activities and DIY projects and did a poor job at it. Now that I've gotten more comfortable with it's format and using it more regularly I may try to do some occassional blogging. I'm terrible at keeping a journal, but feel this might be a good alternative. For now I'm off to enjoy the one little MIRACLE we've been blessed with! :)